K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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