You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
