I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come share oat with me in your robe
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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