You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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