listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
