I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
