Cold hands, warm shart.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You dont lie about slip and slides
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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