Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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