I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
