I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
