remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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