if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
