I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
