True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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