Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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