It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
