yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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