I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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