I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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