either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
