Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
