My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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