Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
