I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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