Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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