I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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