the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
