My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
