you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
