Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
