I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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