Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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