First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
