Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
