Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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