Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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