You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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