bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
