Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
