I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
