i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
