maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
