I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
