Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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