gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
