1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
