Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
