a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
