you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
