No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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