I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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