I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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