I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
