Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
