Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
