she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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