saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
