he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
