Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
