My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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