After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He felt like a one man threesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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