Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize