My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
