The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
