I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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