the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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