you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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