i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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