Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
there is glitter all over my balls
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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