Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
